What Not to Wear: The *Who’s that sad little person?* edition
Remember, we’re just trying to help …
The Dot Com Raider. She consistently shops online, despite living in a major urban area with every store and every designer readily available within blocks. The outcome: Her closet is busting with mismatched, ratty looking Gucci and DKNY from overstock.com and she still doesn’t have one decent outfit to show for it.
The Muse. She looks down on people who wear something from H&M, Urban Outfitters or Forever 21. She gets her clothes from her design major friends at Parsons and FIT. The outcome: Her clothes are totally original – in a creative-draping-with-a-glue-gun project kind of way. And her new boyfriend, also from Parsons, is anything but straight.
Miss 80’s. She’s about five feet tall but layers all sorts of rocker tees, washed-out vintage, whimsical paisleys and polka dots, leggings, skull scarves, and color-clashing belts and necklaces. She chips her nail polish, and regularly appears on the Cobrasnake and the Lastnightsparty. The outcome: She thinks she looks exuberant and experimental but in fact she looks just like any other girl that lives in Brooklyn.
The Gift Bag Whore. She l o v e s free shit. Doesn’t matter what it is – as long as she didn’t have to pay for it. The amount of giveaway apparel and make-up she’s accumulated over the years is exploding all over her closet and bathroom. She goes to events for gift bags and she’ll take two – hers and the neighbor’s. The outcome: When she brags about that sample sale she went to, everyone just feels sad for her and for her twenty-dollar Michael Kors wedges.
September 24th, 2006 at 11:58 am
ouch!
id have to go with 80s girl.. though i was only just about born
September 24th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
I hate to say it, but I don’t really fall into any of these brilliant catergories. Although I am familiar with many, I can honestly say my wardrobe runs the gamit and all I want is good fashion that fits my personal taste!
September 24th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
You forgot to add the sunglasses at night habit attributed to every Miss 80’s.
I find the most effective treatment is a stake through the heart, but sometimes it doesn’t work.
I love you, as always.
September 24th, 2006 at 7:54 pm
haaaaaarrsh
September 24th, 2006 at 11:30 pm
ouch is right…. This is the first time I’ve come across a post that seems a bit mean. I guess honesty isn’t always nice
still love visiting your site. I tend to judge people and their fashion sense as well. If I had to pick a category it would be number 1, internet shopper. 
September 25th, 2006 at 12:56 am
Brilliant!
I’m glad to say I dont think I fall into any of those categories *phew*
September 25th, 2006 at 2:41 am
So funny and so true.
September 25th, 2006 at 6:20 am
I know so many Miss 80’s!!
A close relation to Miss Quirky/Eclectic/Eccentric and (dear god) Kooky.
September 25th, 2006 at 10:57 am
i am a total gift bag whore, i heart h&m, love clothes from designer friends, but i want to leave the 80s back in the 80s, where it belongs. does that make me a cheap-ass freebie slut with a heart of gold?
September 25th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
hahaha
September 25th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
I am a reformed Muse (WHEW!) The first step to healing is admission…
September 25th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
you forgot hipsters!
September 25th, 2006 at 3:28 pm
hilarious! i esp love the one about the 80s girl looking like every other girl in brooklyn…so true! the streets are full of those types in dc as well (believe it or not). and i also recently met a gift bag whore…not pretty.
the muse is a new one for me..haven’t heard or thought about it before.
in any case, i’m SO glad i don’t fall into any of those categories.
good thinking doll!
September 25th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
yes, Ms. Fly,
definitely with the heart of gold.
September 25th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Perfect.
September 25th, 2006 at 8:18 pm
ohhhhhh
snap.
I never regret reading this blog!!
September 25th, 2006 at 9:57 pm
Dot com raider here
Shopping is just so hard with two little rugrats.
September 26th, 2006 at 7:27 am
fuck cory kennedy she’s freakin’ ugly
September 26th, 2006 at 9:41 am
Oh, burn! Yeah, dot com too…but I hope to think my outcome is a little better than that!
September 26th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
How sad that every other girl in my Brooklyn high school is a Miss 80’s. I can count at least five in my Spanish class.
September 27th, 2006 at 5:15 am
Gift bag whore over here!! **raises hand ever so slowly**
September 27th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
I guess I am going to have to go with The Dot Com Raider…hmmm I think I can rally up at least one sharp outfit though! Then again, now that I think of it maybe not!
September 27th, 2006 at 7:04 pm
Dahling, you have a sharp eye and even sharper keyboard. I so enjoyed your comments on Fashion Week, I do hope you will read mine,
at ‘Diary of a Mad Fashionista.’ Yes, my dear, I know you were here first!
September 28th, 2006 at 3:07 am
Why, I do believe I don’t fit into any of those categories.
That makes me feel good inside.
<3
September 29th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
OMG…if you were at the shows in the Tents in NYC then you know the gift-bag-whore who kept lurking and stealing…even from mine!
Was she joking with that hair and those nasty outfits?
Please say you were there so we can laugh about this together.
September 30th, 2006 at 4:55 pm
this is the funniest post ever! I would add the stupid LA look and def. Hoe-gear (aka BEBE, glittery, sparkly getups that some girls dawn from day to night)
September 30th, 2006 at 7:24 pm
Oh lord. I am totally the Dot Com Raider. How does one get help for this affliction?
PS: I totally read your URL as hobbit-sexual model.