As all SJP lovers and haters already know Gap has dropped her aging ass in favor of a teenage British singer Joss Stone. Needless to say, SJP wearing their rags is about as believable as her using drugstore hair color but it took Gap nine months to figure it out:

Joss Stone and Sarah Jessica Parker
“A month after the Parker advertising campaign was launched, total September sales at Gap dipped 1 percent; same-store sales that month fell 3 percent. Two months later same-store sales slid another 3 percent. In December — the crucial holiday month — sales were down 1 percent. Then in January they tumbled 9 percent. February’s figures were off 3 percent. The problem? While an effective pitchwoman for a few Gap sweaters and scarves, Parker does not resonate strongly enough with the company’s core consumer demographic. “Gap is the McDonald’s of clothing: omnipresent, affordable, reliable, and predictable,” says a retail fund manager. “Sarah Jessica Parker is a challenging sushi roll, not a burger with fries. That association was doomed to fail from day one.” That’s because Parker, it turns out, is not a broad-market celebrity. What plays in Soho — the land of über-hip, martini-swilling fashion goddesses — doesn’t necessarily play in Peoria. On paper Parker looked great. In reality this splashy-cool endorsement deal was a costly failure.”

Vacations are fun. Deciding what to wear on a vacation is even more so. This season nothing looks and feels more natural than the free flowing linen blouses, crocheted cotton dresses and obligatory whites. We are loving the embroidered Dsquared2 and Etro blouses that looks so perfect with a pair of shorts.

Peasant by Dsquared2, Ana Sui, Chanel, Etro

Tiered gypsy skirts are a number one hit this season. The Jean Paul Gaultier dress below is practically sold out. Bangles, beads and head scarves are the key accessories. Top it all with a big messy head of hair and you are the gypsy queen of the ball.

Gypsy by Moschino, Gaultier and Roberto Cavalli

P.S. Total respect goes out to Daria Werbowy. It’s a joy to see biceps on a model.

Rasta-inspired hats that were all the rage in Japan last spring seem to be picking up as a hot new accessorie in London and New York. Add that one to your winter wardrobe along with leggings and oversized tunics.

People.com. Keira Knightley and Gwen Stefani in their rasta hats. Needless to say I’ve been wearing my Eley Kishimoto hat since Spring’ 04. I have a feeling they are fashion-stalking me.

Chanel Fall 2005 collection.

We are delighted that 50’s style bathing suits will be worn by every desperate housewife in America this summer. I have to remember to write a personal thank you note to Gradon Carter for that.

In swim fashion briefs have been going strong for the past few seasons and it is time to through in new ideas.

Fabulous and functional: Dior, Pucci, Dsquared2, Ungaro.

We adore the frivolous knotted bikini by Stella McCartney and the excentric multilayered Gaultier piece but we’ve yet to see anyone wearing these Dsquared2 and Costume National creations except for perhaps euro-trashy Moscow girls on their Turkish vacations.

Jessica Simpson, at the exhibit (a) below, finally figures out a way not to look short legged. This silk camisole slims her proportions by covering up her well-fed round butt. Very flattering … but we still frown on her shit kicking cowboy boots that should have nothing to do with this outfit. I’m also liking that casual dress (b) Sophia Bush is wearing. She seems to be taller and slimmer elongated by the dress’ high waist. Optical illusions are the short girls’ best friends.

J Simpson(a), Sophia Bush(b), Fergie(c). from people.com

There is no better way to show off legs then in a mini and 9-inch ankle strap shoes. That is what Fergie probably thinking there on exhibit (c) … We’re liking her legs but that black jumpsuit is not fooling anyone, the five extra pounds around her midsection must go. One word: sit-ups.

It’s a jungle out there so dress the part. The colors of the dunes, khaki and animal prints are key. Browns look absolutely fabulous. Skin is intensely tan, hair is styled by the wind or wrapped in a turban.

Celine, YSL, Roberto Cavalli, Dolce & Gabbana

MaxMara, Fendi, Proenza Schouler, Gucci

The New York Post reports Demi Moore will take over for Madonna as the new face of Versace. The paper says speculation began following a sighting yesterday, noted in Women’s Wear Daily, of Moore, boyfriend Ashton Kutcher, photographer Mario Testino and Versace herself eating lunch at V in London.

from people.com

Demi Moore hasn’t taken off this Versace coat for a week and it’s already 75 degrees here. How much more proof do you need?

Enjoy it while you can. Bold patterns and floral prints that is. Mix n’ match to your heart’s content. To avoid looking schizophrenic though try wearing one printed item at a time. One can certainly do no wrong with any of the pattern dresses.

Left to right: Eley Kishimoto, Pucci, Dior, Miu Miu.

Not to be outdone I will be sporting a stunning vintage Pucci dress from Mott Street’s Resurrection. The dress is so beautiful I literally want to hump myself.

Little ditsy floral prints are the other hot number of the season. They look so naive and innocent. But pair them with sexy jeans and spike heels [platforms, knee boots] and you’re definitely not in the clueless category.

Left to right: LV, Missoni, Celine, Ana Sui.

Ashley Olsen’s shorts and hoodie are perfect but she should tan her little legs and throw out those flip flops. Otherwise we love her. Mary Kate still looks like a homeless junkie. She better be seeing a therapist to resolve this.

From people.com. MKA on Prince @ Mercer.

Kirsten Dunst gets a round of applause for pulling off this baloon skirt, with oversized t-shirt, brown slippers and Chloe bag. If you insist on wearing volume this is how you do it but you’ll be so misunderstood… Sienna Miller gets a yawn for her uniform cowboy boots + big skirt + puppy ansamble. Every plain unimaginative Jane in town looks like this. Stop reading Marie Claire. Get a life.

from people.com

Although Ashley Simpson’s persona is kind of nauseating in that particular LA way her outfit isn’t half bad. Layers – good, beet scarf – matronly but pretty, pink stripes matching the pink jacket – wonderful, bead necklace – fantastic. The style however is cramped by the bell bottom blue jeans, wooden wedges and that cliche cherry purse. You just can’t get the gap out of the Simpson sisters. These other two girls are totally cute. Whoever they are. I like the white high-waist dress on the right and the ripped jeans on the left. Now if only they were making it with each other it’d be priceless.

from people.com

Sailors are hot this season. Classic stripes, double breasted navy jackets and white pants will bring some discipline into a rainbow overkill of our closet. Balenciaga’s blazers and gold-piped nautical trausers are a major hit. Brass, piping and anchors are everywhere. Wedges and belts are made out of rope.

Balenciaga, Jil Sander, Tommy Hilfiger, Balenciaga
Embrace your inner millionare at a WASPy regatta with these loose fitting white pants. They look the best on you if your ass is size zero to two.

Left to right: Oscar de la Renta, Balenciaga, Stella McCartney, Zac Posen